As part of a series of articles on iGeneration teens, the Listener talks to four teens about risk-taking, social media and their online lives.
Storm*
Northland school prefect Storm, 17, will be the first person in her whanau to go to university. Sheโs worked so hard in her senior years that sheโs won a $20,000 scholarship that will enable her to study arts and law in Auckland.
She has never had a boyfriend, doesnโt get drunk when she goes to parties, and doesnโt smoke cigarettes or take drugs. She says sheโs in a minority, but sheโs typical of a growing group of teenagers who are doing fewer risky things than their parents did at the same age โ though she does buck the trends by working part-time and getting her learner driver license at 16.
Storm has grown up surrounded by people who smoke, and the idea of smoking puts her off. โIโm the person who has to inhale it when Iโm in the car. Even my mum tells me we could have gone on holiday if she hadnโt been smoking, or you see people who are grumpy because theyโre trying to give up.โ
Her parents drop her off at parties and buy her a bottle of lower-alcohol wine to take. Friends organise a sober driver to take them home. She says many of her peers tend to drink Vodka Cruisers and some dabble in shots. โWe went to a ยญmassive back-to-school party this year and one girl โ it was her first time drinking โ drank so much she was taken to hospital. I donโt like to binge-drink; I like to be aware of whatโs ยญhappening around me.โ
Storm spends about four hours a day on her ยญsmartphone. She has Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and Spotify accounts but spends much of her time online researching ยญassignments, playing music or texting friends.
She says she sometimes sees things online that make her yearn for what others have โ a new dress or an overseas ยญholiday, for example โ but sheโs been inspired and empowered, too, watching speeches by former US first lady Michelle Obama and singer Pink talking about their daughters, or by graduate students whoโve achieved their goals. โIt makes you think, โIf they can do it, so can I.โโ
Storm is looking at life beyond Northland. โI want to make an impact on a national and global level. I can see myself being part of the United Nations.โ
Siale*
โWhen my phone dies, itโs like my life has gone.โ Yearย 12 student Siale, who attends a decile-one school in Auckland, says the only time sheโs ยญwithout her smartphone is when her family wonโt let her take itย to church on Sundays.
Online, Siale reckons she knows where to draw the line with her posts, and rolls her eyes at the friends who post increasingly explicit selfies on Instagram to get more likes. โIf a normal photo doesnโt get enough likes, they need to show more of their body.โ Itโs odd, she says, how they might get hundreds of likes on Instagram, but never seem to have many friends in real life. She talks about an app called Melon that pairs you on video feeds with people based on your age and gender. Men use it to send girls dick pics, she says.
Most of Sialeโs friends are sexually active and smoke weed. โI smoke weed. Iโm just bored and get stoned. Iโm not addicted to it; if there are more important things to buy, Iโll buy them. Itโs the last option for me. It turns off everything going on around me and makes me feel like Iโm in another dimension and I donโt have to worry about anything. Then the buzz goes away and itโs back to reality.โ
Family dysfunction is her biggest stress, says Siale, who lives with her sister, brother-in-law and cousins. โSome teen girls tend to run away from home, but for me, running away would hurt my family more and itโs not going to help anything.โ
She occasionally drinks alone, taking wine out of her sisterโs cupboard. โI donโt get drunk and want to walk on the road. If Iโm out and I get drunk, I know I need to be home at a specific time, so I can pass out in the house.โ
Sheโs experienced cyberbullying first-hand, when she put a post on Facebook about a boy she was dating and discovered he hadnโt broken up with his ex. โThey started to put mean ยญcomments on it. I couldnโt think properly. The only thing I could think of was giving them a hiding, but I knew if I were to touch them Iโd get kicked out of school and it would hurt my family.โ She talked to the school counsellor and the issue was resolved.
Siale says if sheโs at a party where her friends get drunk, she does her best to look after them. โWhen they vomit and stuff, and it stays on their face, I make sure I clean it up. I talk to them when theyโre sober; donโt shame them. I tell them about the outcomes of stupid decisions โ what could happen to their safety, with viruses and stuff, and their reputation.โ
Image Credits: Pixabay
Iosefa*
At 16, Sialeโs classmate Iosefa has his future mapped out โ he wants to leave school next year and start studying to be an accountant. He doesnโt drink, or smoke cigarettes or weed. His attitude when his friends do it? โDisgust,โ he says, wrinkling his nose.
Iosefa says heโs on his smartphone โthe whole dayโ โ itโs a distraction when classes get boring. โI use it 24/7: Messenger, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram โ anything to cure the boredom.โ But he says if he lost his phone, heโd miss the music and videos, rather than social media.
He says friends invite him to parties so he can look after them. โIโm like the sober safety man. Iโm there to stop them having sex with randoms or getting too drunk. They know Iโm there for them. They donโt like me stopping them at the time, but they do when they sober up. One time, a mate tried to hit me when I tried to stop him drinking more.โ
Iosefaโs from a strongly religious, conservative family and doesnโt tell his mum if heโs going to a party, even if itโs just to look after his mates, because he says sheโd never let him. Instead, he tells her heโs going to a friendโs place.
His teacher reckons most parents donโt know the half of what their teenagers post online, but Iosefa says that doesnโt apply to him โ thereโs nothing he puts online that his mum and dad shouldnโt see. โNo, my parents are my friends.โ
Natalie*
Fifteen-year-old Natalie attends a high-decile co-ed school in central Auckland. She doesnโt drink, smoke or take drugs and has never had sex. She comes from a solid, Pakeha, middle-class nuclear family and lives with her high-achieving parents in a suburb where the average house price is around $1.5 million. โIโve got friends who party and are in that crowd, and I also have a lot of innocent friends. Iโm somewhere in the middle and wouldnโt want to be in one or the other.โ
Natalieโs closest friends, though, are more like her, so she doesnโt feel pressured to grow up too fast or get a boyfriend. โI donโt think you need to do that. For me, thereโs being mature, and then thereโs being mature because youโre drinking and having sex. But I think thatโs being immature. We can see what everyone is doing [online] and how itโs affecting them โฆ we know whatโs going on and what it involves, which is part of the reason we donโt indulge in that.โ
She always keeps her parents in the loop by text as to her whereabouts, and parties are rare. Socialising more often involves watching films at a friendโs house, going out for lunch, to the movies, or shopping.
She and her friends worry about exams and schoolwork, but Natalie admits thatโs pretty superficial stress. Deeper down, body image and comparisons with others cause the most anxiety. โYou put exceedingly high expectations on yourself that are ยญimpossible to meet. It can really knock your confidence, which lets in all sorts of other stresses and makes school exhausting and living in general exhausting because you have all these doubts and concerns that amplify everything else.โ
Natalie uses Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest for a couple of hours a day, but usually while watching TV or doing other things, and doesnโt post much herself. In the school holidays, she found herself in a messaging conversation with a friend for several hours after midnight, but thatโs unusual. โIโm probably on Instagram more than the others, but only to look.โ
She posts few selfies, because sheโs afraid of being judged. โI care a lot about what other people think. Iโm prone to comparing myself to others. I like to show Iโm styley, because at school I look younger and Iโm quite different when Iโm wearing make-up and the clothes I like. I like people seeing that side of me more, but I donโt put it on social media. If there was a nice photo of me and my cat I would, because that isnโt me trying to look gorgeous. I get my self-validation in other ways.โ
*Names have been changed.
This article was first published in theย November 18, 2017 issue of the New Zealand Listener. And published on noted.co.nz on 4 January 2018
Featured Image Credits: Pixabay
